reading!

I have a confession to make. I read kids books. And I like them. :)

My cousin asked me a few weeks ago if I was reading the Percy Jackson series. I told him that I wasn't, and that I hadn't even heard of it. He launched into about 101 reasons why this is a series I had to read. At the time I didn't think much of it, because he's 12 and I don't have much in common with 12 year old boys as a general rule. But my sister had also read these books (she teaches 5th grade so she has a better excuse than I do), and she gave them a thumbs up as well. So I started reading them.

I finished the 5th (and last book) in a week. One week. I couldn't put the stupid things down! I was reading until 3 in the morning (which isn't that late, but is definitely later than I am normally awake). The series is about a boy who has tons of adventures, because he's half-human half-god (think greek gods like Zeus and Poseidon). If you liked Harry Potter, you definitely should give these a shot. They are shorter books in general, but really well written.

Now that I'm done with my distraction, I guess its back to cuddling up with The Politics of Abortion. Sigh.

hodge podge.

I need a happy post. Something to share with you guys that isn't just all doom and gloom... but unfortunately, everything seems kind of blah lately! Following up from the last post, I haven't seen the drunk in question since the night of the incident and I'm starting to feel better. Not that its my place to judge, but I just can't take the chaos that is addiction. When these people are gone, I don't miss them. I feel relief. It's similar to my brother being gone and in L.A. ...out of sight, out of mind. He's doing well and actually wrapping up his time at TCMI (don't ask what it stands for, I still don't know! hah)and he's looking for his next project. I don't know what he'll do, but hopefully it will keep him on the straight path. Things are easier that way. So anyway, I have had no more drunk run ins, and I'm feeling pretty good about it. Kind of sucks that nothing was resolved, but I don't think that anything can be resolved at this point. Distance is what feels best for me. :)

My mac was not able to be saved :(. I had hopes at first, then my cousin, my uncle, and his neighbor all had a shot at recovering my files with no luck. I took it back to the apple store yesterday, and that guy tried again, but no dice. So it had to be completely wiped clean in order to reinstall everything. He even made me delete everything myself... he was like "Are you sure you want to do this? If you do, just push that button. I'm not going to be responsible for losing all of your stuff". Cold, man, cold! So, I did. But on the plus side, they replaced the top case (essentially the keyboard) because it was stained. And they did it all for free. So when I get it back (hopefully tuesday) it will be like a brand new laptop. That's a plus. I think I can recover my music from my ipod, it just takes forever. So I'm just missing my pictures and papers. Ugh.

Still looking for a job. Gross. And I have every intention of hitting the diss hard when I get the laptop back. This is ridiculous. I kind of got motivated today... I was thinking about how awesome it will be to actually have a ph.d, to get to wear the robe ensamble, and all of that. Maybe keeping my eyes on the prize will help me get motivated to write. :)

frick.

It has been one HELL of a week. Started out with a violent drunken incident with an idiot alcoholic... I didn't get hurt, but Bailey got kicked... I had the good sense to keep my mouth shut and flew below the rage radar. Now, if you're wondering, yes, this is someone I'm close to, but luckily not someone in my immediate family. I am more mad that this person has a legitimate problem but refuses to admit it at this point, which means months if not years of dealing with addiction again. I want to rid myself of it completely, but I don't think that's an option. Such a crappy position to be in. But anyway, the incident was probably the scariest thing I've ever experienced, so it has made for a difficult week. I'm even more irritated about it because only one other person experienced this, and no one else seems to really grasp the gravity of the situation. Its sad, really. Addiction freaking sucks. And how do I handle this from here? This person is probably the best liar I have ever known, so when i get the token "Hey, I'm sorry I kicked your dog, I don't remember but lets move past this" what am I supposed to say? I want to scream obscenitites but I don't want a repeat of the violent situation, so that's probably not the best idea. "Oh, its cool, I mean, who really likes my dog anyway.... yeah, you have a drinking problem but I'm sure your 3 days of sobriety are really meaningful and true, and that it will never happen again"... yeah freaking right. Its gonna happen again. You're gonna kill somebody if you're not careful. Quit being a douchebag!

These always seem to be the times that make me most aware of my closest friendships as well. Certain people fail every SINGLE time, which never really gets less disappointing. Its like "Hey, why did you blow me off? I thought we were going to hang out?" and you get some b.s. answer about how the person was busy. But this seems to happen often, but when you bring it up you're being dramatic. My friends, the one thing I am not is dramatic. If I say you're being a shitty friend, you probably are and have been for a while. Even after all the therapist training I'm not exactly confrontational most of the time and I usually let things go past the point of where they should be. Some of you are really realy great friends and I hope you know who you are. I am in no way singling out all of you for not being there, and actually most of you who read this are always there for me. I miss being with you all in Texas, and its times like this that I wish I was back there.

I just feel so weird right now... like, awful. I can't pinpoint it. I'm frustrated and upset, but that doesn't really express it adequately. I know its worse because everything else is kind of in a shitty place too... I feel stuck with the diss, can't find a freaking job, and I need to get away from here. But I can't. UGH!

Then I killed my mac. Yep. Didn't even know it was possible. I lost all of my files, including every paper I've written, every song I've purchased, and ever picture I've taken for the last 3 years. They think they can fix the mac itself but all of my stuff is gone. Maybe this is why God has been keeping me blocked on the diss... had I written any more, it would be gone. As it is I lost an outline and some intro. Could have been much worse. I hadn't backed up in FOREVER, because I was one of those cocky mac owners who thinks their mac is invincible. Well, it ISN'T. Learn from my mistake: back up your shit. I wish I had.

But, on a lighter note, its swimming time again! I've been in the pool twice this week, and for real swimming, not just jumping in while I'm laying out. Its so nice! Still a little cool, but swim-able for sure.

have you ever...

... had one of those days where you run multiple red lights? (haha, you thought this was gonna be that jr. high version of the have-you-ever where you talk about what sexual stuff you've done and what you haven't huh? well, get your mind out of the gutter! what kinda blog do you think this is?!! LOL or maybe that's just me, because its the first thing that came to mind when I typed that! what a sicko)

aaaaaaanyway.... :)

I ran two red lights yesterday! You know, the kind that are yellow-turning-red before you cross the intersection. Both times I probably should have stopped... so much so that I had to do the obligatory cop scan. Thankfully, none in sight. But this is just such an odd thing; I've gone months without doing this! And yesterday, twice! Was I just in a mood? Didn't feel like stopping? Too much effort? Who knows.

In other news, my tan is coming along quite nicely. I am going to have to find a different time of day to work on the diss because afternoons are just not gonna cut it during swimming weather (which is rapidly approaching). Today I made it to the third step in the pool, and it was pretty cold... but only barely cold enough to hurt a little. A few more weeks and I'll be completely in, I guarantee it. I just can't help myself. Lucas babies are part fish, I swear. If people could really be part mermaid, we'd prolly be proof. We are all avid swimmers. Even the babies. Its a little weird. But awesome at the same time.

an unrequested music review

For some really really strange reason I am obsessed with the newest Snow Patrol album. Their first one was okay, but I thought they were kind of overplayed and not stellar. But the new album has totallly grabbed me... It's different from what they've done before, but still familiar. They just got it right, ya know? And I have one line stuck in my head all the time... (language warning.... but its my blog and I can cuss if I want to :) it goes:

"Cool your beans my son/ you look a fuckin mess"

Why this stands out to me, I really can't tell you. In the context of the song its just cool. Fits. And I think its appropriate to so many people on so many levels. A line you could use multiple times throughout the day. Someone breathing down your neck in line at the grocery store, tapping their foot, looking at their watch, hair all wind-blown and messed up, out of breath from rushing from aisle to aisle for their stupid groceries? Use it then. Your friend comes in, whining on and on about their stupid boyfriend and how he hasn't gotten her a new whatever in wayyyyy too long, screeching with that really high voice that girls only use when they're trying to be pissed off? Use it then. I don't know. Just seems like I would want to say it like 15 times a day.

So anyway, check out their album. Love it.

The Frays new one... not so much. Its good, if you liked the first album. I was just under the impression that since they waited 3 years to release their sophomore album that it might have some new stuff. It doesn't. The lyrics are good, but the sound is identical to their first. 3 out of 5 stars.

If you're looking for some new music, check out The Bird and the Bee (I like both albums but "Ray Guns are not Just for the Future" is my fave), Priscilla Ahn (she's very laid back, almost like Norah Jones but I like her more than Norah) and if you want something to dance to, Lady GaGa is pretty cool. She's kinda trashy, but the songs are fun and catchy.

Just felt like talking about music I guess. I love finding new music. It's good for the soul.

boredom.

I always thought that I would long for the day when I didn't have to work... when I didn't have to rush around like a crazy person. And now that I have it, I HATE it! Although work isn't exactly the most fun thing imaginable, it plays an important part in our lives. It gives us a purpose, something to do, and perhaps most importantly, money. I have worked since I was 16... and the majority of my jobs have been doing things that I hate. When I was young, I worked at Wild Water Adventures (a water park) as a caterer. A CATERER. Can you imagine? It was like 110 outside, we'd be lugging tables and hot food around for 6 non-stop hours. Serve hotdogs and barbecue pork to hundreds of disgusting people, and then take it all apart and haul it half a mile back to the kitchen. Ugh! It was awful! Still the worst job I think I've ever had. But I worked. Because I had to. Then I did the whole two job thing throughout undergrad, working at a bank and an ice cream shop or old navy and going to school with at least 15 units. Was it hard? I guess. I didn't really know any different. I didn't have free time, but I didn't really know that was an option. Then, at Tech, my weeks consisted of class (12 units), seeing clients, teaching, supervision, meetings, working in the clinic office, and writing papers in my free time. Weeks weren't 40 hours; they were 60-70 for the first two years.

And now, you ask? Hmm... here's a typical day:
-sleep in (why not, its not like I have somewhere to be!)
-check facebook.
-think about where i want to go work for the day (usually starbucks or panera)
-get ready
-go read articles until i can't focus anymore (by now its about 4pm)
-come home, walk Bailey (2 miles)
-maybe a little wii yoga or pilates
-dinner with the rents (ohhhhhhh i need to get out of this house)
-read another article or two if i can handle it
-more facebook while i check careerbuilder.com for jobs (there aren't any)
-apply for any and all jobs i think i could possibly do
-tv
-bed.

While its nice to actually be getting some dissertation time in, there's only so much I can do everyday... burnout happens quickly. I am making progress though, which is encouraging. But the whole job thing is just really bumming me out. I haven't ever not worked! Its gross. I don't like it. I feel lazy and unproductive. The jobs I've heard back from tell me I'm overqualified. Grrrrrrrrrreat. I don't really care. Just let me work. It's gotten so bad that I'm thinking of going back to something like the bank just to make some money. But then I worry that it will take away the time from the diss (because really, am i going to want to come home after being at a shitty job all day and want to write? NO.) So anyway, there's my dilemma. Jobs are so scarce around here I don't even know if I could get on with a bank... but we'll see. I have a masters degree and almost a phd... and I'm about to go be a bank teller. How depressing is that. It reminds me of the Simpsons episode where they go into a bookstore, and Bart takes off. Marge calls after him, asking where he's going... his response is something like "I'm gonna go to the checkout and taunt the PhDs behind the counter!" Marge says "Bart, that's not nice... they're not bad people, they just made terrible life choices!" Maybe we did. Mayyyyyyybe we did.

polyvore.com!

Well, thanks to my friend Dom I am obsessed with polyvore.com! You can shop around, create ensambles, and shop for the items that you like. You can browse what others have created to get ideas for yourself, and sometimes even get linked directly to what you want to buy! It's great for the girl that loves to shop... for the rest of you, probably not so much :) This was my first shot... what do you think?