good news, everyone!

(I hope you pictured the professor from futurama saying the title of this post... because I did :)

Soooo I haven't updated you guys in a while. Who knows how many of you read this anyway! But, for my faithful public, I will update.

Brandy got a job!! WOOHOO!!! Are you wondering if I'm totally super excited to be doing therapy again after a YEAR off? Well, you can quit wondering. This is California after all, I don't know if a therapy job actually exists in this state. So, no therapy. For now. I miss it dearly. (I really do.) The job is actually being a nanny, and its going pretty well. I'll spare you the details because its a long, sad, tragic story, but know that I am coming into a situation that is very very difficult. In all honesty, some days I leave "work" pretty depressed because of the hardships that the woman I work for has to endure on a daily basis. But, slowly, I'm figuring it out. We're all getting to know each other and getting more comfortable day by day. The woman (my boss?) is a really really fantastic person... one of those people you feel lucky to know. She is actually a local celebrity too, which makes it that much more strange for me. I hope that I will be a help to her, even if it is just in a small way.

What's weird is that although the first week was difficult and kind of depressing, I feel really sure that this is where I am supposed to be at this point in my life. I almost have a PhD and I've spent 12 years in college to be a nanny? How in the world did that happen? But I am confident that this is one of those times when God's plan really does make more sense than our own. I would have never chosen this over a therapy job (where I would get to use my education and make decent money)... and yet, I know that this is what I'm supposed to be doing. It makes me feel like this is why I wasn't able to find a job for so long. I don't really know how I'm going to help this family yet, or what God's plan for me and them really looks like, but I know its a fit. I have a calm about it, and that's encouraging. Its not often where I can see God's direct influence into my life. Now is one of those times, and man is it cool. The job is challenging and humbling though (someone calls me her nanny... not teacher, or therapist, or counselor like I'm used to being called). Its different, but humbling. I think its good for all of us to have that sometimes.

Its good to be working again. Its not a ton of money, but gives me a little breathing room again, which is definitely a plus. Phew!

That's pretty much it for now... feeling pretty good about things at the moment. Still a little unsure about things (like in the last post, but that wasn't really about me as much as me thinking about someone else's situation and thinking about how life isn't fair), but I'm sure everything will work out one way or another. They always do.

comfortable mediocrity.

I have come to realize that I am definitely a play it safe person. If it comes down to taking a huge risk that has the potential to really pay off or really crash and burn OR to just stick with the status quo, I'm going to stick with the status quo every time.

Its hard not to get caught up in faulty logic sometimes. It just seems like no matter how good you try to be (to yourself, to others, whatever...) its only a matter of time before you're slapped down fiercely and left to huddle by yourself in a corner. Life is just not fair, and its never going to be fair. People who work their whole lives to do the right thing are not rewarded as often as they should be. There's no guarantee that because you live your life the "right" way that its going to pay off here on Earth. There are a lot of douchebags out there who are just complete assholes all the time, and yet, they never seem to get the proverbial smack down. And then there are people who work their asses off to do the right thing, and they are forced to endure pain beyond their wildest imagination. It's just not fair.

But back to my original point... if the smack down is inevitably coming (which it seems like it kind of has to... somehow) do you invest in your dreams and shoot for the stars if it means that those things will be what is possibly taken from you? Do you go for the moment of greatness and hope that it lasts? Ugh. I just don't know. If I end up single forever, this is why. At the heart of it, I almost think that its better just to live a life of mediocrity and be mostly content almost all of the time if the alternative is to be sublimely happy for a limited amount of time. The higher you go, the longer you have to fall...

I'm such a bad blogger.

I always forget to update! I've said it before-- its too much like journaling, which I am also awful at doing consistently. I'd make for a really bad therapy client, I probably would never do my homework.

Sooooo what's new... not much, really. Dissertation on the brain pretty much 24/7. I have a deadline (finally), so I've really been focusing and trying to make solid progress. Its a tight deadline, and to be honest I'm unsure if I'll make it. But I think that's what makes a good deadline... it should be challenging enough to not be a sure thing. So here was the brilliant plan I concocted in order to motivate myself: If I tell my dissertation chair that I'll have it done by a certain day, I'll have it done (because to not have it done after I tell him I will would be embarrassing). So, I told him I'd have it to him on my birthday, August 12. I then booked a ticket to the good ol' LBK for a week from that date... Aug. 19. He has a week to read it so that we can chat about it in person once I get to Lubbock. I'm thinking I'll have some pretty hefty revisions, since its qualitative and I have no idea what the shit I'm talking about when it comes to qualitative research. The bonus: I get to see Mike and Amanda and Kate and Steph!!! Holla! That's worth getting a rough draft of the proposal right there. So I get to hang out with them while I am in Lubbock setting up my committee and hopefully setting a proposal date. That's the plan anyway.

I booked the ticket through cheapoair.com, and if you haven't heard of them you should definitely check them out. It was HALF of what I normally pay to do the Fresno to Lubbock flight... and I am on the exact same flights that I always take. I don't know how its so cheap, maybe its run by the mob or something. That would be pretty cool... I'm going to assume that's it. I don't know what it is with my mob fascination... but I kind of wish I knew some mobsters. But that's a whole different post altogether.

Lined up a few ways to make some cash while I continue to look for jobs... tutoring, babysitting, things like that. Good thing I almost have a ph.d! I could have NEVER done those things otherwise... :/

I think that's about it. Oh yeah, I finally saw the transformers movie (while babysitting). It was good. The saddest part may have been that I would have known that Optimus Prime had a valley chrome bumper even if the fam hadn't told me. I can just tell its theirs. Kinda creepy. Maybe I should have gone into the fam business? Yeah, I didn't think so either.

we're all modern to some extent...

I've been wondering how to make sense of the whole "right vs. wrong" thing. I know the cool thing to do is to act all post-modern, like you can't "judge" someone or tell them what's right. It's cool to think that there is no ultimate Truth, and that we're all here to figure out our own places in the world. But most of you out there know that I'm an old school modernist, and I believe that we live in a world of rights and wrongs. But my question is this: how does someone like me live in a world and see "wrongs" and be non-judgmental? Is it even possible? Can any of us truly be non-judgmental? I don't know.

For me, this relates to ideas that many of you would never think of judging. For instance, gay marriage. My views on gay marriage have definitely changed in the past few years, and at this point, I don't really have an objection to it in the government sense. But for me, that's because marriage is a religious institution, and the Catholic Church is very clear about the rules. Maybe I get to hide behind the Church on this one, I don't know. But it doesn't change the fact that I believe that gay marriage has no place within the Church. Is that judging? Or can I say, "I don't agree with your actions, but you have every right to do what you want". Is that being apathetic and bowing out of the conversation? I wonder if telling people that they can do whatever they want is our way of just shirking our responsibilities. We no longer have to worry about it. We can sit up on our high horse and tell others that we're "postmodern" and that we believe in peoples' right to run their own lives.

But are we neglecting (and dumping on, in a sense) the Truth by doing this? What if this happened in every aspect of society? "Hey, I don't personally believe in beating my wife, but who am I to say you can't?!" or "Your rage is completely understandable. I can really see why you shook your baby until it was limp." See what I mean? What can we stand up for? Think about the things you oppose... in a sense, doesn't this make you "modern" too? You believe that there is a RIGHT and a WRONG. I don't understand where this has led us... If we have a duty for the big things, don't we have a duty for the small? Or do we just have to wait and let society tell us what its okay to be against? (At one point, both previous examples were completely legal and mainstream).

It feels like we've lost our moral compass. If you stand up for what you believe in, you're a bigot. The poison of our times is apathy, and I think that we all suffer from it to some extent. Its much easier to bury our heads in the stand and either embrace the mainstream views or to just not fight against them. I, for one, am tired of not being able to take a stand on things that matter.

Where is John Galt?

so I lied...

I'm still on my reading kick. I don't really know why, it feels like its been forever since I've read books for fun like I have been... and I have a new obsession.

Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand. It changed my life.

You may think I'm being dramatic. I might be. I also cannot imagine reading another book that I will like as much... I just don't know if its possible. First off, the book was written in 1957 but it could have been written yesterday. Its a commentary on society as much as it is a love story or fictional novel, and each aspect of Rand's writing works together to create something powerful and prescient. Her writing style is more descriptive than anything I've ever read, and you end up being able to envision the characters and their surroundings as if you were standing right next to them. And the characters... wow. I finished reading it a few weeks ago, and last night I actually thought about missing Dagny. Like I need to pick up the book again because I actually miss her. I want to go visit her again. How ridiculous is that?!

Part of the reason that I loved it so much was that it articulates my beliefs about the world in a way that I could not have ever explained... and makes you think about how you see yourself in relation to society, what you deserve, what you owe... here is one of my favorite passages. It might not make sense to you if you haven't read the book, but this passage was one that I really identified with.

Whenever anyone accuses some person of being "unfeeling", he means that that person is just. He means that that person has no causeless emotions and will not grant him a feeling which he does not deserve. He means that "to feel" is to go against reason, against moral values, against reality.

I mean, is that me or what? Ugh. I am IN LOVE with this book. So I read "The Fountainhead", which came more highly recommended than Atlas... and it was okay, I guess. If I would have read them in the correct order I probably would have loved it. But it just doesn't hold a candle to Atlas. I think that people who love Fountainhead probably haven't read Atlas... because Rand intended Atlas to be her culminating work, where she lays out her total philosophy on life. Which happens to coincide with mine on almost all levels (except the atheist part). No matter what, Atlas is superior. The characters and plot are more developed and likable.

I think I need to look up her non-fiction stuff now... I just can't get enough Ayn Rand.

reading!

I have a confession to make. I read kids books. And I like them. :)

My cousin asked me a few weeks ago if I was reading the Percy Jackson series. I told him that I wasn't, and that I hadn't even heard of it. He launched into about 101 reasons why this is a series I had to read. At the time I didn't think much of it, because he's 12 and I don't have much in common with 12 year old boys as a general rule. But my sister had also read these books (she teaches 5th grade so she has a better excuse than I do), and she gave them a thumbs up as well. So I started reading them.

I finished the 5th (and last book) in a week. One week. I couldn't put the stupid things down! I was reading until 3 in the morning (which isn't that late, but is definitely later than I am normally awake). The series is about a boy who has tons of adventures, because he's half-human half-god (think greek gods like Zeus and Poseidon). If you liked Harry Potter, you definitely should give these a shot. They are shorter books in general, but really well written.

Now that I'm done with my distraction, I guess its back to cuddling up with The Politics of Abortion. Sigh.

hodge podge.

I need a happy post. Something to share with you guys that isn't just all doom and gloom... but unfortunately, everything seems kind of blah lately! Following up from the last post, I haven't seen the drunk in question since the night of the incident and I'm starting to feel better. Not that its my place to judge, but I just can't take the chaos that is addiction. When these people are gone, I don't miss them. I feel relief. It's similar to my brother being gone and in L.A. ...out of sight, out of mind. He's doing well and actually wrapping up his time at TCMI (don't ask what it stands for, I still don't know! hah)and he's looking for his next project. I don't know what he'll do, but hopefully it will keep him on the straight path. Things are easier that way. So anyway, I have had no more drunk run ins, and I'm feeling pretty good about it. Kind of sucks that nothing was resolved, but I don't think that anything can be resolved at this point. Distance is what feels best for me. :)

My mac was not able to be saved :(. I had hopes at first, then my cousin, my uncle, and his neighbor all had a shot at recovering my files with no luck. I took it back to the apple store yesterday, and that guy tried again, but no dice. So it had to be completely wiped clean in order to reinstall everything. He even made me delete everything myself... he was like "Are you sure you want to do this? If you do, just push that button. I'm not going to be responsible for losing all of your stuff". Cold, man, cold! So, I did. But on the plus side, they replaced the top case (essentially the keyboard) because it was stained. And they did it all for free. So when I get it back (hopefully tuesday) it will be like a brand new laptop. That's a plus. I think I can recover my music from my ipod, it just takes forever. So I'm just missing my pictures and papers. Ugh.

Still looking for a job. Gross. And I have every intention of hitting the diss hard when I get the laptop back. This is ridiculous. I kind of got motivated today... I was thinking about how awesome it will be to actually have a ph.d, to get to wear the robe ensamble, and all of that. Maybe keeping my eyes on the prize will help me get motivated to write. :)

frick.

It has been one HELL of a week. Started out with a violent drunken incident with an idiot alcoholic... I didn't get hurt, but Bailey got kicked... I had the good sense to keep my mouth shut and flew below the rage radar. Now, if you're wondering, yes, this is someone I'm close to, but luckily not someone in my immediate family. I am more mad that this person has a legitimate problem but refuses to admit it at this point, which means months if not years of dealing with addiction again. I want to rid myself of it completely, but I don't think that's an option. Such a crappy position to be in. But anyway, the incident was probably the scariest thing I've ever experienced, so it has made for a difficult week. I'm even more irritated about it because only one other person experienced this, and no one else seems to really grasp the gravity of the situation. Its sad, really. Addiction freaking sucks. And how do I handle this from here? This person is probably the best liar I have ever known, so when i get the token "Hey, I'm sorry I kicked your dog, I don't remember but lets move past this" what am I supposed to say? I want to scream obscenitites but I don't want a repeat of the violent situation, so that's probably not the best idea. "Oh, its cool, I mean, who really likes my dog anyway.... yeah, you have a drinking problem but I'm sure your 3 days of sobriety are really meaningful and true, and that it will never happen again"... yeah freaking right. Its gonna happen again. You're gonna kill somebody if you're not careful. Quit being a douchebag!

These always seem to be the times that make me most aware of my closest friendships as well. Certain people fail every SINGLE time, which never really gets less disappointing. Its like "Hey, why did you blow me off? I thought we were going to hang out?" and you get some b.s. answer about how the person was busy. But this seems to happen often, but when you bring it up you're being dramatic. My friends, the one thing I am not is dramatic. If I say you're being a shitty friend, you probably are and have been for a while. Even after all the therapist training I'm not exactly confrontational most of the time and I usually let things go past the point of where they should be. Some of you are really realy great friends and I hope you know who you are. I am in no way singling out all of you for not being there, and actually most of you who read this are always there for me. I miss being with you all in Texas, and its times like this that I wish I was back there.

I just feel so weird right now... like, awful. I can't pinpoint it. I'm frustrated and upset, but that doesn't really express it adequately. I know its worse because everything else is kind of in a shitty place too... I feel stuck with the diss, can't find a freaking job, and I need to get away from here. But I can't. UGH!

Then I killed my mac. Yep. Didn't even know it was possible. I lost all of my files, including every paper I've written, every song I've purchased, and ever picture I've taken for the last 3 years. They think they can fix the mac itself but all of my stuff is gone. Maybe this is why God has been keeping me blocked on the diss... had I written any more, it would be gone. As it is I lost an outline and some intro. Could have been much worse. I hadn't backed up in FOREVER, because I was one of those cocky mac owners who thinks their mac is invincible. Well, it ISN'T. Learn from my mistake: back up your shit. I wish I had.

But, on a lighter note, its swimming time again! I've been in the pool twice this week, and for real swimming, not just jumping in while I'm laying out. Its so nice! Still a little cool, but swim-able for sure.

have you ever...

... had one of those days where you run multiple red lights? (haha, you thought this was gonna be that jr. high version of the have-you-ever where you talk about what sexual stuff you've done and what you haven't huh? well, get your mind out of the gutter! what kinda blog do you think this is?!! LOL or maybe that's just me, because its the first thing that came to mind when I typed that! what a sicko)

aaaaaaanyway.... :)

I ran two red lights yesterday! You know, the kind that are yellow-turning-red before you cross the intersection. Both times I probably should have stopped... so much so that I had to do the obligatory cop scan. Thankfully, none in sight. But this is just such an odd thing; I've gone months without doing this! And yesterday, twice! Was I just in a mood? Didn't feel like stopping? Too much effort? Who knows.

In other news, my tan is coming along quite nicely. I am going to have to find a different time of day to work on the diss because afternoons are just not gonna cut it during swimming weather (which is rapidly approaching). Today I made it to the third step in the pool, and it was pretty cold... but only barely cold enough to hurt a little. A few more weeks and I'll be completely in, I guarantee it. I just can't help myself. Lucas babies are part fish, I swear. If people could really be part mermaid, we'd prolly be proof. We are all avid swimmers. Even the babies. Its a little weird. But awesome at the same time.

an unrequested music review

For some really really strange reason I am obsessed with the newest Snow Patrol album. Their first one was okay, but I thought they were kind of overplayed and not stellar. But the new album has totallly grabbed me... It's different from what they've done before, but still familiar. They just got it right, ya know? And I have one line stuck in my head all the time... (language warning.... but its my blog and I can cuss if I want to :) it goes:

"Cool your beans my son/ you look a fuckin mess"

Why this stands out to me, I really can't tell you. In the context of the song its just cool. Fits. And I think its appropriate to so many people on so many levels. A line you could use multiple times throughout the day. Someone breathing down your neck in line at the grocery store, tapping their foot, looking at their watch, hair all wind-blown and messed up, out of breath from rushing from aisle to aisle for their stupid groceries? Use it then. Your friend comes in, whining on and on about their stupid boyfriend and how he hasn't gotten her a new whatever in wayyyyy too long, screeching with that really high voice that girls only use when they're trying to be pissed off? Use it then. I don't know. Just seems like I would want to say it like 15 times a day.

So anyway, check out their album. Love it.

The Frays new one... not so much. Its good, if you liked the first album. I was just under the impression that since they waited 3 years to release their sophomore album that it might have some new stuff. It doesn't. The lyrics are good, but the sound is identical to their first. 3 out of 5 stars.

If you're looking for some new music, check out The Bird and the Bee (I like both albums but "Ray Guns are not Just for the Future" is my fave), Priscilla Ahn (she's very laid back, almost like Norah Jones but I like her more than Norah) and if you want something to dance to, Lady GaGa is pretty cool. She's kinda trashy, but the songs are fun and catchy.

Just felt like talking about music I guess. I love finding new music. It's good for the soul.

boredom.

I always thought that I would long for the day when I didn't have to work... when I didn't have to rush around like a crazy person. And now that I have it, I HATE it! Although work isn't exactly the most fun thing imaginable, it plays an important part in our lives. It gives us a purpose, something to do, and perhaps most importantly, money. I have worked since I was 16... and the majority of my jobs have been doing things that I hate. When I was young, I worked at Wild Water Adventures (a water park) as a caterer. A CATERER. Can you imagine? It was like 110 outside, we'd be lugging tables and hot food around for 6 non-stop hours. Serve hotdogs and barbecue pork to hundreds of disgusting people, and then take it all apart and haul it half a mile back to the kitchen. Ugh! It was awful! Still the worst job I think I've ever had. But I worked. Because I had to. Then I did the whole two job thing throughout undergrad, working at a bank and an ice cream shop or old navy and going to school with at least 15 units. Was it hard? I guess. I didn't really know any different. I didn't have free time, but I didn't really know that was an option. Then, at Tech, my weeks consisted of class (12 units), seeing clients, teaching, supervision, meetings, working in the clinic office, and writing papers in my free time. Weeks weren't 40 hours; they were 60-70 for the first two years.

And now, you ask? Hmm... here's a typical day:
-sleep in (why not, its not like I have somewhere to be!)
-check facebook.
-think about where i want to go work for the day (usually starbucks or panera)
-get ready
-go read articles until i can't focus anymore (by now its about 4pm)
-come home, walk Bailey (2 miles)
-maybe a little wii yoga or pilates
-dinner with the rents (ohhhhhhh i need to get out of this house)
-read another article or two if i can handle it
-more facebook while i check careerbuilder.com for jobs (there aren't any)
-apply for any and all jobs i think i could possibly do
-tv
-bed.

While its nice to actually be getting some dissertation time in, there's only so much I can do everyday... burnout happens quickly. I am making progress though, which is encouraging. But the whole job thing is just really bumming me out. I haven't ever not worked! Its gross. I don't like it. I feel lazy and unproductive. The jobs I've heard back from tell me I'm overqualified. Grrrrrrrrrreat. I don't really care. Just let me work. It's gotten so bad that I'm thinking of going back to something like the bank just to make some money. But then I worry that it will take away the time from the diss (because really, am i going to want to come home after being at a shitty job all day and want to write? NO.) So anyway, there's my dilemma. Jobs are so scarce around here I don't even know if I could get on with a bank... but we'll see. I have a masters degree and almost a phd... and I'm about to go be a bank teller. How depressing is that. It reminds me of the Simpsons episode where they go into a bookstore, and Bart takes off. Marge calls after him, asking where he's going... his response is something like "I'm gonna go to the checkout and taunt the PhDs behind the counter!" Marge says "Bart, that's not nice... they're not bad people, they just made terrible life choices!" Maybe we did. Mayyyyyyybe we did.

polyvore.com!

Well, thanks to my friend Dom I am obsessed with polyvore.com! You can shop around, create ensambles, and shop for the items that you like. You can browse what others have created to get ideas for yourself, and sometimes even get linked directly to what you want to buy! It's great for the girl that loves to shop... for the rest of you, probably not so much :) This was my first shot... what do you think?

holy smokes!

Now these are some ashes! 

She got me... good. It's only 2pm... I get to run around town all day like this. Holy smokes!

twitter!

I just discovered twitter a few days ago, and I have to admit that I am addicted! I've known about it for a while, but never really saw the allure. So I finally signed up on a whim (procrastination takes many forms...) and I love it! I think it appeals to the narcissist in all of us. I mean, who wouldn't want to get updates on every painstaking moment of my day?! You get to sit at your computer (or your cell phone) and update the world on what you're doing! In reality, no one cares. But you get to think that they do, so you update. And update. And update. And people follow you! You must be important if random people follow you. Clearly they are interested in the minutia that makes up your life. Haha... It's awesome. 

Then you get the updates from other people (you can follow online or set your cell phone to receive texts about certain people). Just think, you never have to be stuck wondering what your friend is doing that minute! Its like facebook status updating on steroids. ANDDDD you can follow celebrities/news outlets/writers/whoever. So, for example, I spent all day today getting updated with news stories from Michelle Malkin and my fave bloggers! You can respond to them, they can respond to you, its wonderful. 

There you have it: my newest guilty pleasure/procrastination technique. If you tweet, drop me a line ;)

logical.

back to the bible belt...

So it turns out that Lubbock isn't such a bad place... as long as you get to leave :). I spent almost a week back in the good ol' LBK and I have to admit that I really had a good time. Now, this will only surprise you if you knew the extent to which I hated that place while I had to live in it... and I had even said that I would never step foot back in Texas for the rest of my life. Well, that didn't exactly work out, partly because I have yet to finish my dissertation (therefore guaranteeing - sp? that I will be back at least a few more times). But this trip was mainly just for pleasure, to hang out with the people that I miss so much. I also got a little work in, but we'll talk about that later. For now, the fun stuff... 

Baby Kate!

My awesome goddaughter... she is 6 months old, and is seriously THE happiest baby that I've ever seen. She smiles and laughs all day, every day. I was with her for almost a week and I heard the kid cry maybe a handful of times... and even then, she had a good reason. Her baptism was on superbowl Sunday, so that was very cool! She didn't bat an eye when she got doused with water, and she seemed to enjoy being up in front of the crowd (could beauty pageants be in her future?? haha, just kidding Amanda!) I had a great time staying with Mike, Amanda, and Kate. Apparently we're all on the same page as far as life goes... we took it easy most of the time, lounging around and hanging out. Its a rare occurrence to spend that much time with people and not be sick of them (or them be sick of me!) by the end, right? But yeah, we had a great time the whole week (or at least I think we did! ;) 

We played the board game "Acquire" and I cleaned up... twice :) I retired undefeated... but if you ever have the chance to play this game, please do, you will love it. Its modeled after a business game (kind of like monopoly) where you buy stocks and build up businesses. It was awesome, as long as you have someone around who can do the math easily (lets be real, math is NOT my strong suit!)

I got to spend lots and lots of time with Steph, who you should probably try to know if you don't. She is one of those rare people that gets along with anyone and everyone, and I would venture to guess that the people who really know her wouldn't want to live their lives without her in it (does that even make sense?) She's just a genuine, lovable, and HILARIOUS person, and it devastates me that I don't get to see her everyday anymore. We killed so many hours at the EAP, sitting on each other's couches talking about random stuff. I think I talked more than she did :) haha. Oh, umm, I mean, we would pass each other in the halls as we were on our respective ways to write case notes or see clients. No wasting of time, ever! :D

Overall, it was just a really good trip. Some I didn't get to see (which tends to happen, I'm used to it) and some I only got to spend a little time with. I'm definitely glad that I got to see Faith before she is gone for good! We had our last Thai Pepper date... aww... 

So I flew out at 6pm Texas time, got into San Jose at 9pm Cali time, got to see Kade for a few (yayyyy) and then drove home! Yuck... but I made the drive in a little more than 2 hours, which is superb. Got home by like 2:30 Texas time, which I had the pleasure of feeling like I was in (isn't jet lag fun?). I think the flight gave me a cold, possibly? You know how all of the air is just recycled, and if one person way in the back of the plane is sick you're basically breathing their air? Yeah. I think that's what happened. 

So then I had a job interview the next day... or rather, the day after (although I rushed home because I thought it was the next day). It turns out that it was actually a job I'd be interested in, but I'm not sure if I'm qualified. The interviewer said I was overqualified for everything else, and yet I don't have the exact experience that they are wanting for this. So she asked me to interview for the position, which I think is a good sign. Won't know for at least a few weeks, which is frustrating. So keep your fingers crossed on that one :) 

And with that, I bid you adieu :)

So...

The PT went pretty well! She said I have excellent movement in my back overall, and that most of the muscles are firing when they should. Woohoo! But she also said that my flexion needs work, and to tell you the truth I don't even really know what that means. :) Maybe it means flexibility? I am totally stiff in most of my muscles, from my neck to my toes. Apparently when I was hunched over that shortened my muscles, which is why I have a hard time stretching or even putting my shoes on. 

So she started me off with some baby-step exercises that are supposed to improve my muscle flexibility... I literally just lay on my back and move my knees from side to side. We are starting out REALLY slowly, but I think that's good because the last core exercises I did made things so much worse. Hopefully I will have some improvement fairly quickly, because I can't afford to have to go to physcial therapy for very long. I can't wait for the day when I am insurable again! 

On a completely different note, today marked the anniversary of Roe V. Wade... congratulations! if you're reading this, you're a survivor. 44 million haven't been as lucky as you and me. 

Tomorrow...

Is my first physical therapy appointment! I'm a little nervous... Before the neurosurgeon, everyone that got their hands on my back made it worse. I tried to find someone who is experienced with disc problems, but it seems that I have a disc problem on crack or something! It just seems like I've been so different from anyone else any of these people have seen before. Probably because of all of the structural abnormalities (scoliosis, spina bifida, weak muscles, etc.). Still, its frustrating to be the freak that no one can help. I only have to have 2 appointments with the PT (thank God!) so we'll see if he has any nifty exercises that can help my recovery. Overall the back has been *pretty* good lately, although its kind of hit or miss. I've had weeks that have been pretty painful, and even a few times where I wondered if I injured the disc again. But, its been good lately, so I think everything is still okay :) 

Keep your fingers crossed and say a little prayer that things go well tomorrow! If they do, I may even be able to get insurance again in a few months! Woo! 

Classics...

I've been into an old movie kick recently, probably because I've been sick for over a week and therefore unable to flee when my mom has control of the tv remote. My choices when it's her turn: catholic tv or TCM. It hasn't really been that bad though, and it's reminded me of so many great movies and actors that I'm not familiar with. 

So I have a question for any of you that happen to be reading: what are some of your favorite classics? Movies, actors, directors, whatever... let me have it! 

Vote for baby Kate!

Soooo I happen to be godmother to one of the cutest babies on the planet... and her photographer is having a contest where you can go vote for her! If Kate's picture wins, Mike and Amanda get an 11x14 or something like that :) So go here: http://denaehutsonphotography.blogspot.com/2009/01/happy-new-year-and-blog-contest.html (yeah I don't know how to do the cool link thing) and vote for Kate, she's #14. 

I keep forgetting to blog!

Maybe blogging should be a new year's resolution... since I keep forgetting to keep up with it. Its not like its a chore or anything, so you would think it wouldn't be that difficult. Eh. I'm kind of against resolutions around the new year since they tend to fade so easily, but whatever... 

So what have I been up to since mid-December? Certainly not working! heh... 

Went up to Shaver and had a blast... there was about 3-4 feet of snow at the cabin, and the dogs had a great time playing in that. You can barely see Bailey in this picture, but she's right there next to Captain in the snow... oh, and that's not our cabin in the background :) I think this might be our driveway but I'm not sure. 

We snapped the handle off of the water valve (you kind of need that if you want to shower or drink anything) so we couldn't turn the water on. Luckily some lumberjack-looking plumber was able to jet up and come fix it, so that crisis was averted. (Steph just stop right there... he looked like Paul Bunyon, and not in a good way-- trust me, I would have thrown your name out there had he been a ruggedly good looking plumber who was looking for a highly educated hottie from west Texas... but sadly, this was not the case ;) So anyway, I played beer pong for like the second time in my life, and it was kind of fun actually. Everyone except for Meredith and I ended up hammered (if you smile sweetly and act like you can't drink that much the guys will drink your beer for you, and then they have the hangover the next day and you don't... sometimes I love being a gril.) So anyway, yeah, everyone else was hurtin both days while Mare and I enjoyed ourselves. Went on some walks, built some fires, and had a pretty good time. 

Christmas was great... my aunt Cathy does Christmas Eve the way it was meant to be done... party platters, crab rangoons, and all the shrimp you can eat! It was a really good time... And then on Christmas we got to have cottage cheese dumplings, which are hands down the best family recipe ever (and are not really made with cottage cheese). They were heavenly and probably cut about 2 years off my life expectancy, but they were worth it. They had to make like 110 of them because the whole fam turned out for Christmas. Oh, and in case you're wondering, here's my favorite Christmas present:

Rainboots with elephants on them and an umbrella from JCrew! Sooo cute! Makes me wish we got more rain. :) And don't act like you're not impressed with my outfit... hahahaha. I just couldn't help it. 

I have had the chance to catch up with several friends from high school during the past few days and that's been really great too! Its amazing to see people after 10 years and be able to pick up a conversation like it's nothing. There's something comforting about being with people who knew you when you were young. 

So that's about it... December was a great month. I'm hoping 2009 is going to be a great year... and who knows, maybe it will be the year that I find a job, finish my dissertation, and meet the man of my dreams. Haha... yeah, well, maybe one of those three things will happen :)